Sardonika is a tiny island just off the coast of the United States, close enough to pass judgment on its mainland neighbor, but far enough offshore to avoid small arms fire. It is the home of the Sardonika Policy Institute, the major industry on the island. The SPI is a watchdog group primarily glaring at the U.S. It issues periodic reports in the form of SPINews, on, among other topics, aging, politics, climate, rock music and municipal bus schedules.
Don't bother trying to find Sardonika on a map: We're too small.
A VERY BRIEF HISTORY:
Sardonika was part of the Lesser Achilles until the sea swallowed up the archipelago 300 years ago. The nation of Sardonika was founded in the mid-1800s, after a panel of experts washed up on shore. Those early shipwreck survivors got along well with the natives until moving them to South Dakota. (This is not a topic Sardonikans like to discuss.)
That's pretty much it until November 10, 1946 when an American supply ship docked at the island for R&R, and the locals "borrowed" a WWII Sherman M4 in which they established the SPI think tank. The SPI moved to its current site atop Mount Sardonika in 1964 and now uses the tank only on ceremonial occasions.
The entire population of the island is descended from the original founders and is congenitally opinionated.
Sardonika proudly calls itself The Country of Critics.
- POPULATION: 2,444
- CITIES & TOWNS: One. Sardonika.
- LANGUAGE: Sardonikan, a notoriously difficult Indo-Euro-Slavic language of raised eyebrows, sneers and derisive throat clearing. Most locals can't master the language either, so they conveniently speak English.
- NATIONAL ANTHEM: "My Beloved Sardonika" sung to the traditional island folk song, "Louie Louie".
- NATIONAL TREE: The Dwarf Redwood
- NATIONAL FLOWER: The Creeping Tulip
- NATIONAL BIRD: The Dowager Gull
Mild, except for occasional seismic eruptions and hurricanes.
Mild, except for occasional seismic eruptions and hurricanes. Sardonika has
a weak-president, weak-congress form of government. Its constitution is based
on the U.S. Constitution, with some notable changes, such as the all-important
Right to Bear Grudges. The current President, the honorable Rossford R. Ruttles,
- CURRENCY: The Sardonikan Dollar.
- TAXES: Yes, and a lot of them.
- EXPORTS: Sardonikans, pronouncements, two-toned shoe laces.
IMPORTS: Almost everything.
GETTING HERE & GETTING AROUND:
- AIR: Frisco's Blimp: Travel anywhere, any time, anyhow, at altitudes up to forty feet.
- SEA: The Blue Moon Line
- WHILE HERE: Jitney, horse cart, bike, shoe leather
SARDONIKA TRAVEL has a complete list of countries that can only be reached
by Frisco's Blimp, flying out of Sardonika International (see Travel).
WHERE TO STAY:
- The Sardonika Arms
- The Twilite Motel
- The Barnacle Beach B&B
- The Sardonika Arms
- The Drop Rite Inn
National Dessert: Lemming Meringue Pie (see Recipes)
- TV: One local station, STV (Sardonika TV) but satellite dishes pick up the major channels whether the locals want them or not.
- RADIO: One station, WAIL, a mix of music, sports, news, more sports and fiery right-wing talk-show host, Crash Gasbag.
- NEWSPAPERS: One, the Sardonika Sun
- MAGAZINES: Sardonika, Bi-Monthly
- THE SARDONIKA PUBLIC LIBRARY: This island institution occasionally releases material from its vaults, most recently, true stories of American garage bands, funded by the Ministry of Noise. It hosts PowerPoint slide shows, 8mm home movies and an annual display of old post cards. Also there are a few shelves of books.
- THE MUSEUM OF ART: It's current exhibit is "Riffs on Picasso".
FESTIVALS AND EVENTS:
- Sardonika Jazz Fest and Puppet Show
- Barnacle Beach Bonfire Nites
- Elvis the Pelvis Velvet Street Art Fair
Sardonika Genius Grants in the arts, sciences and auto shop. Modest cash prizes.
Soccer, Five-hole Golf, Basketball (Sardonika College hosts the annual Sardonika
Hoopla tournament with teams flying in from as far as Iota and Shinola), kite
flying and slow-pitch wiffle ball.
THINGS TO DO:
Hiking, biking, swimming, fishing (see Fish of Sardonika), bird-watching (see
Birds of Sardonika), octopus wrestling (see Mollusks of Sardonika) and throwing
rocks as far as you can into the waves.
- Message in bottle: Put cork in neck and give it a heave.