HOLLYWOOD (SPINews) -- The Olympics royalty's announcement it is dropping wrestling as of its 2020 games has touched off a furor, the latest sniping coming from Charlie Sheen, CEO and captain of the United States Drinking Team.
“What about us ,” the movie star fumed. “You want popularity? Participation? Good TV? Bro, we got it fucking all! ”
“That would eliminate all our Muslim brothers and sisters,” sniffs IOC Prez Jacques Rogge, “except for Turkey and Egypt and a couple others.”
But, as he later whispered to SPINews, “Screw 'em.”
LAUSANNE, Switzerland (SPINews) — The International Olympic Committee has dropped wrestling from its summer games, starting with its 2020 bash, and will replace it with mixed lap dancing.
The IOC based its decision in part on popularity, including TV ratings, especially the elusive male ratings.
IOC President Jacques Rogge has been mum, but tells SPINews off the record that he is also “very seriously” considering skate boarding, ultimate fighting, Texas Hold 'Em, dog frisbee and video street shootouts.
If popularity is a factor, what about the winter biathlon that combines skiing around in the woods with target practice?
“No way!” gasped Rogge. “And be attacked by an entire nation of angry heavily-armed Norwegians?”
DENVER (SPINews) -- Hoping to convince skeptical Americans that fracking -- and fracking fluid -- is safe, Colorado Governor John Hickenlooper recently told a U.S. Senate committee that in 2011 he quaffed a glass of CleanStim with an exec from Haliburton.
The two cleansed their palates with Boraxo.
The pro-fracking gov told SPINews, “It was light and refreshing, slightly tart, with a nose redolent of gravel and an Exxon station.