SARDONIKA (SPINews) -- With the possible liquidation of the Hostess corporation, much has been written about its most famous product: The Twinkie.
But little is known of its genesis. The Sardonika Policy Institute has unearthed some competing theories:
- The angel Moroni appeared before Joseph Smith in upstate New York in 1823 and revealed unto him the recipe for a cream-filled snack cake.
- Sparked by lightning, fat, sugar and preservative molecules interacted in a primordial soup, crawled to a nearby convenience store, then evolved on the confection shelves.
- Aliens seeded the planet with Twinkie spores.
- In a plot to fatten Americans into a feckless stupor, Islamic terrorists activated a Hostess sleeper cell.
- They are the vaccum-packed embodiment of an ancient Egyptian curse.
- They are remnants of the Big Bang.
- A junior-high chemistry experiment went horribly wrong.
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