Tonto & His Sidekick

HOLLYWOOD (SPINews) -- Tinseltown’s Remake Division is at it again, this time a mega-buck “The Lone Ranger” with modern sensibilities, and his sidekick playing a huge role because the film stars Johnny Depp not as the masked man but as Tonto.

Studio bigshots are mum, but SPINews has obtained a copy of the script that reads in part:

LONE RANGER:  Tonto, go into town, to the opera, and find out who’s up to no good.

TONTO: What?  Go yourself, dude.  

LONE RANGER:  “Dude”? 

TONTO:  Yeah.  No more of that “kemosabe” shit.  You guys have pushed Native Americans around for the last time.

LONE RANGER:  OK, please  go into town --

TONTO:  And do you really think that mask will protect you?  

LONE RANGER:  I’m still here --

TONTO:  You look like you’re at some masked ball in Venice or some damn place.

LONE RANGER:  Tonto, the town’s in danger --

TONTO:  Yo, I’m going, but on my terms.  I want two  six-guns, silver bullets and a new house with a swimming pool and atrium.

LONE RANGER: You know, pal, you don't look Indian --

TONTO:  And no opera.  I hate  opera -- especially Rossini.

 

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