MADISON, Wis. (SPINews) -- All three GOP presidential candidates stumping in Wisconson are demanding the TSA look for passengers smuggling illegal immigrants in their pants.
In a recent story, the TSA listed the contriband they have grabbed at airports, including loaded guns, drugs, knives, grenades, and now seven snakes hidden in women’s hosiery stuffed inside a man’s trousers.
"Look, we're not pitcking on Mexicans, claims Rick Santorum. “We’ve gotta stop Guatemalans, El Salvadorans, Hatians, Chinese and Irish.”
"Well, shut my mouth," stage-drawls Mitt Romney, with to voter-rich Florida in mind. “Y'all can stuff yo pants with all them Cubans y'all like!”
WASHINGTON (SPINews) -- After a top Romney aide described Romney's general-election campaign kick off as an "Etch A Sketch" moment -- when he can shake up and change his positions, his rivals went ballistic.
Waving a small doll at a rally in Raleigh, Rick Santorum said, "I associate Mitt with Barbie's boytoy Ken."
"His contorted positions remind me more of Twister," snarled Newt Gingrich, "Or Slinky."
Even Rick Perry, forever linked to the board game Sorry piled on: "He's up, he's down, he's up, he's down, he's Whac-a-Mole!"
"Mitt's got more money than God," sniffed Michelle Bachmann. "He's Monopoly Man."
Meanwhile, assessing the impact of the gaffe, pundits are consulting their Magic Eight Balls and Ouija boards.
ORANGEPEEL, Florida (SPINews) -- It’s spring, which means Major League Baseball’s Fashion Fest 2012. The emphasis stays on pants and legwear, namely the popular "unstructured look” that some claim makes ballplayers look like kids dressing up in Dad’s pants, but is actually "casual elegance." MLB says uniforms need not be uniform, and we shout Bravo!