WASHINGTON (SPINews) -- Black Friday’s numbers are in and retailers are dancing in the malls after bargain hunters plunked down $11.4 billion and sales shot up by 6.6 percent over last year.
As part of Friday's Shop & Awe, SPINews reports Americans racked up 793 shootings, 435 killed, 376 injured, 824 MIA, 929 arrests, 47 riots, 8,299 shoppers pepper-sprayed (5,222 by other shoppers) and six Walmart stores and nine Targets bombed by mistake (the Pentagon regrets the error).
And, confirms Texas Gov Rick Perry, 15 shoplifters were executed.
DEAR BILL CLINTON -- OK, now what do I do? -- Herman Cain
DEAR HERMAN -- Deny everything but get ready to pay the piper if it’s true. Remember when I said, “I did not have sex with that woman” then had to scramble? (I still maintain blow jobs aren’t really sex sex, like a roll in the hay.) And, bro, It ain't all bad. With every accusation, you get a good look at that lawyer Gloria Allred. I'd put the moves on her.
Hey, when this all shakes out, let's you and me and Silvio Burlesconi get together for drinks. I'll bring the interns.
WASHINGTON (SPINews) -- President Rick Perry created a furor yesterday when he mistakenly eliminated the FBI, CIA and U.S. Air Force.
Besides eliminating the three federal departments he famously bragged about in a TV debate -- commerce, education and a third he still can’t remember -- he also whacked the EPA, FDA, FTC, FFA, ICC, ATF and White House chef.
Tomorrow he plans to cut FEMA, NPR, PBS, NOW, atheists, cat lovers and China.
President Perry apologized this morning for executing a staffer who told him that including China was a lousy idea.