SARDONIKA (SPINews) -- Mindful of jihadist and right-wing Christian terrorists killing in the name of God, Sardonika's Security Ministry has assembled the following list of other potential religious terrorist organizations:
Beautiful tour bus, recently used in Sarah Palin’s "Fire in the Belly" excursion to meet the country (at least a small part of it). Comes with Ms. Palin’s recipe for grilled wolf, a shot-up target with ex-future son-in-law Levi Johnston on the front, and a draft for her new book, “Sarah’s Wacky World History.” Has some front-end damage when it collided with Boston’s Paul Revere House.
DEAR BILL CLINTON: We invited a couple we haven’t seen in a few years over for dinner. They said yes, then he told me they eat no meat but just "plant-based foods”. They eat dairy products, including exactly three drops of milk in their coffee. They put soy milk on their Total.
They do eat chicken but only from a farmer the day it's killed.
They eat meat in veggie dishes on Fathers Day but only if they know where it comes from, except they don’t trust package labels claiming inspectors get more money if they certify more farms.
This is based on ethical, environmental and health reasons: it reduces global warming, methane and consumption of CO2. Forget economy cars -- eat less meat. They rail against the environmental damage from meat production, and the “the psychological impact” on the illegal workers who slaughter millions of animals.
He’s going to give us a Power Point presentation. What should we do? -- ANXIOUS IN AMHERST, MASS.
DEAR ANXIOUS: You’re in for a long night, bubba. But if he has a hot wife, don't sweat the small shit.
WASHINGTON (SPINews) GOP Congresswoman Michele Bachmann may have backed off her whacko charge that the U.S. Census will lead to internment camps, but SPINews has learned something far more sinister:
The Obama Administration is indeed planning to confiscate all Americans’ guns.
The mission, "Operation Itchy Trigger Finger," is what the NRA has been warning for years.
The president will deploy Army Rangers, Navy SEALs and Air Force F-15s, the FBI, the ATF, the DEA and OSHA. He has also has contracted with a fleet of black U.N. helicopters housed in a secret base underneath the Empire State Building.
A White Hours source says all those handguns, assault rifles, cop-killer bullets, machine guns and grenade launchers will be turned into hybrid cars, champagne buckets and electric zithers.