SARDONIKA (SPINews) -- To the roars of Operation Rolling Thunder, Sarah Palin launched her nationwide tour, fueling speculation she will announce her candidacy for president of the United States.
As she put it, "I've got the fire in my belly."
Because she just bought a house in Phoenix, experts attribute that sentiment to jalapeños.
"Unless America is dumber than dog shit," Obama confidante David Axelrod gleefully exclaimed, "What could be better than Palin as our GOP opponent?"
Then reminded that most voters are addicted to "American Idol" and believe space aliens walk among us, he shot himself in the head.
Meanwhile, Michele Bachmann says she has heard the calling.
An aide says, however, "That doesn't mean she's in the race ...that just means she's listening to the voices in her head."