Financial analysts at the Sardonika Policy Institute have released the results of an in-depth $50 study on stock market behavior, and the news has rocked Wall Street and markets in Asia, Europe and Elko, Nevada.
It may undermine the economic rebound.
Fearing he would send the Dow into a death spiral, macro-mini-economist Sir Karl Marxalot spoke with reporters in Pig Latin.
Said Sir Karl through a translator, "You know when you hear, 'stocks plummeted on news of unrest in the Mideast' or 'stocks were sharply higher today as GM out-performed expectations', it's BS!"
He added, "You might as well bet your portfolio on hemlines, bowling scores, Rorschach tests, tea leaves, entrails, contrails, happy trails, Happy Meals or meal worms."
In related news, global markets nose-dived when securities traders bet $66 billion on meal worms.