SARDONIKA (SPINews) -- In an article to be published tomorrow in The Journal of Obvious Psychology, Sardonika Policy Institute researchers have identified a mental state that plagues 95% of the world's population.
At an outdoor press conference and pig roast on the SPI campus, project leader Dr. Karl Schadenfreude said, "Until we can come up with a more opaque name, maybe something Greek, we're calling it 'Tri-Polar Syndrome'."
TPS consists of three states of being: elation, depression and whatever.
"Most of our lives are spent in the middle ground. It's troubling. We're either up, or we're down, but mostly, everything's OK," said Schadenfreude, suddenly bursting into tears.
Aides rushed the professor into the clinic and returned later with a written statement: "TPS is at epidemic proportions, and we at SPI will not rest until we find a cure. Why should people feel OK when everything is NOT freaking OK?"
Accroding to close personal sources, Schadenfreude had a mixed reaction to the extra-hot ribs, from tears of joy to tears, period.