SARDONIKA (SPINews) -- In an exhaustive, 5-year, $50 survey, the Sardonika Policy Institute has modeled the behavior of island drivers at traffic intersections. According to the SPI, 22 percent of the vehicles turn right, 22 percent turn left, 6 percent make a U-turn, and a boring 35 percent continue straight ahead
What about the remaining 15 percent?
"Twelve out of 15 balk," said head transportation researcher Otto Carr. "They shy away like a dressage entry refusing a jump."
When asked if that sort of reaction was related to the common folk notion that Sardonikans can't make up their minds, Carr, "I don't know. Ask me tomorrow. Or the next day."
Major Fargo Frango, head of Sardonikan Homeland Security and Chief Island Crossing Guard explained the other three percent: "They veer off at an angle and plow into a phone pole." He noted these incidents occur within fifteen minutes of closing time at the Sardonika Arms Pub.
As to why SPI committed so much time to such a trivial study, Carr shot back: "Easy. We copied our American colleagues and did it for the grant money."