All three thrive on trouble, although Leno and his fellow comics soft-pedaled Letterman's famous infidelity as if he were a favorite uncle. Luckily Letterman turned snotty, thrilling his congregation by imitating Leno and repeatedly calling him "Big Jaw". SPI sees the following discourse:
Leno fires back: "David Gap-Tooth Letterman."
O'Brien calls Leno "Fat Boy."
Leno calls O'Brien "Hatchet Face."
Letterman to Leno: "Squeaky."
Leno to Letterman: "Big Dick". (These guys are pros.)
O'Brien to Leno: "Loser."
Leno to O'Brien: "Dork Hair."
Letterman to Leno: "Copy Cat."
Leno to Letterman: "Mama's Boy!"
Letterman: "Dirt Bag!"
Leno: "Scum-sucking, two-faced, dumb-fuck cockhound -- "
Boys, boys! SPI recommends the comics slug it out in a pay-per-view match, with Leno taking on Letterman and O'Brien at the same time. He's bigger and wilier, and should win on a TKO in four.