TV Tomcat Fight

LOS ANGELES (SPINews) -- The Sardonika Policy Institute’s Media Studies Center has been watching the fangs-bared tomcat fight starring Jay Leno, Conan O’Brien and David Letterman, with NBC executives playing punching bags.

All three thrive on trouble, although Leno and his fellow comics soft-pedaled Letterman's famous infidelity as if he were a favorite uncle.  Luckily Letterman turned snotty, thrilling his congregation by imitating Leno and repeatedly calling him "Big Jaw".  SPI sees the following discourse:

Leno fires back: "David Gap-Tooth Letterman."
O'Brien calls Leno "Fat Boy."
Leno calls O'Brien "Hatchet Face."
Letterman to Leno:  "Squeaky."
Leno to Letterman:  "Big Dick". (These guys are pros.)
O'Brien to Leno:  "Loser."
Leno to O'Brien:  "Dork Hair."
Letterman to Leno:   "Copy Cat."
Leno to Letterman:  "Mama's Boy!"
Letterman:  "Dirt Bag!"
Leno:  "Scum-sucking, two-faced, dumb-fuck cockhound -- "

Boys, boys!  SPI recommends the comics slug it out in a pay-per-view match, with Leno taking on Letterman and O'Brien at the same time.  He's bigger and wilier, and should win on a TKO in four.